


Road Towards Home

by orphan_account



Category: Ookiku Furikabutte
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Future Fic, M/M, Trains
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-03
Updated: 2011-01-03
Packaged: 2017-10-14 11:26:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/148767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When did this life turn so colourless?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Road Towards Home

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lilrand0m_chik](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilrand0m_chik/gifts).



_“The next station is Kuki. Please change here for the Isesaki Line”_

 _“Did you hear? Absorb released their newest album recently!”_

 _“No way! You’re kidding!”_

Over the announcement and chatters of high school girls, he could hear it clearly: sounds of the train against the tracks. _Clackity clack, clakity clack,_ it goes on continuous loop. The scenery of chocolate coloured buildings whirred pass, accompanied by the soothing rhythm.

It’s been 3 years since he moved to Tochigi. The routine of coming back to Saitama every New Year felt bleak, tiresome. Besides his family, he had nothing to look forward to. Every time he would ride the same train, go about the same activity. It was stifling. He almost felt like he shouldn’t go home for the holidays altogether. With a sigh, he leaned his head against the window. Sometimes he wondered when life started to seem so colourless. Vaguely he could recall the days under the sun, a day’s training out on the baseball field. The determination to improve, the overwhelming sensation to keep playing; it all burnt away. At some point of time, he just stopped. He couldn’t even bring himself to pick up his mitt and play catch with Shun.

Life was a mess. His apartment in Tochigi hasn’t been properly cleaned in a year. His grades threatened to get him kicked out of college. He knew it was wrong, unhealthy, but he can’t seem to snap out of it. With every attempt to change, he slid back down, worse than before.

 _“The next station is Shin-Shiraoka.”_

3 years ago, he stood on the mound with his pitcher. Cherry blossoms gently fell around them. It was during their graduation ceremony, their last day together.

“Abe-kun,” he remembered the boy say his name timidly, avoiding eye contact.

His hands desperately clutched the hem of his jersey, a gesture he came to know well. This was going to be something bad. Really bad. He should’ve seen it coming. He should’ve prevented it.

“I … I’m …” Mihashi was fidgeting more than usual, he noted. “…I’m going to play for the Seibu Lions. I …I got r-recruited.”

He let him go back then didn’t he? With a smile and everything, Abe hugged his pitcher, uttering congratulating words. In truth, it hurt. He couldn’t bear seeing his pitcher walk away.

“T-thank you, Abe-kun.”

 _“The next station is Shiraoka.”_

Abe hated himself. Hated how he couldn’t stop Mihashi from going. Hated how he just _let him go_. He didn’t say anything. Just a simple encouragement, a simple goodbye.

“That’s …great, Mihashi! I’m happy for you!”

That’s all he said. And part of it was a lie. He was sure Mihashi looked at him weird, but the boy said nothing. He wondered if Mihashi knew how fake that smile was, how forced that hug was. How reluctant he was to let him part ways.

When Mihashi turned to leave, his lips instantly curled into a deep frown. He never did like looking at Haruna’s back. For Abe, it symbolizes just how far away he is. He never would’ve thought that looking at Mihashi’s would bring the same grief.

 _“The next station is Hasuda”_

A soft knock on his apartment door awoke him with a jolt. Without warning, light slowly poured into his previously dark apartment as someone peeked from behind the door.

“Taka?” was the small whisper he heard.

Abe slowly tossed about in his bed before he sat on the bed, eyeing the small boy that intruded his (lack of) sleep.

“Shun?” he muttered almost incoherently. “The hell did you get in here?”

“You left your door unlocked,” Shun said simply as he kicked a pile of laundry out of the way. Closing the door behind him, he made his way to sit next to his brother.

“This place is a dump.”

“Thanks.”

Awkward silence passed between them. Shun fiddled with the plastic bag he placed on his lap. Abe stared daggers, wishing he could somehow telepathically tell the boy to leave. Neither of them said anything. The younger of the two seemed at ease wreaking the other's comfort. Frown deepening with every passing moment, Abe was almost at wit's end. It took every fiber of his being not to just grab Shun by the collar and kick him out.

It was only a matter of time until he snapped. Slamming his hand on the bed side table, Abe opened his mouth to scream, but was quickly cut off.

“Coach took us to see the Lions’ game last week.” Shun said idly. “I saw Mihashi play. He’s looking good.”

Upon hearing that name, his heart quenched with misery. His hands balled into fists as he grit his teeth. His eyes closed shut, trying to channel his brother's presence out.

"Don't," Abe managed to choke out.

He took a heavy intake of breath as he pushed up himself to stand. He opened eyes to show dread, rage, and guilt mixed together, silently coaxing Shun to just get the hell out of his apartment. Ever since he started college, the mere mention of Mihashi seemed to set him off. He couldn’t cope with the memories that resurfaced. Mihashi’s smile sparked through his mind, and it made him feel worse. It reminded him of what he lost, the chance that slipped away. The wound would never heal until he set things right himself. That much he knew. Everything will stop going downhill once he gathered the courage to either fix it or let go. Of course there was only one choice. He couldn’t let go, will not let go. But that said he also believed that he will never get the opportunity again. Abe was convinced. It was a dead end.

Shun blinked at the sudden outburst, unfazed. He stood up and took a few steps away from the older Abe. Sighing, he shoved the plastic bag he held onto Abe’s hands.

“Fine, I’ll go. I only visited because mum told me to give you those anyways. It’s soba.”

Maneuvering his way through various clothes and junk, Shun went for the door.

“You’ll have to get over it one of these days, Taka” was the last thing he said before darkness enveloped the room once again.

 _“The next station is Higashi-Oomiya”_

"T-thank you, Abe-kun!"

That was the one sentence that started it all. Mihashi's face flushed red, looked at him with adoration. Those little regards Mihashi gave him used to be what kept him going. He worked hard to gain his trust, to see that smile. Those rare smiles, it brings warmth. He used to treasure those moments. Every day he spent doting on Mihashi, wanting to bring to his top form, never wanting to disappoint him. His life was pretty much dedicated on being of help to Mihashi.

It wasn't until they lost Koushien that he realised he didn't give as much as he took credit for. He thought he did so much for Mihashi, that he deserved Mihashi's praise. It was all false. He never did anything but let Mihashi down. He broke his promise, said that he would never get injured, said that he'd always be there to catch for him. The fact that Mihashi was _fine with it_ made him feel a lot guiltier. Mihashi was always tolerant of him, always believed in him. It was _Mihashi_ that gave him so much.

"I-It's okay..." Mihashi said as he tried his best to hold back tears. "We went this far already.... I'm ... I'm ...glad."

Abe was taken aback when Mihashi flung himself to hug him. The pitcher started sobbing, tears staining Abe's shirt.

"I'm glad ... I'm glad we at least reached Koushien... it's because of Abe-kun... and everyone in the team"

Abe stayed silent, rubbing comforting circles on Mihashi's back. It hurt him to hear those words. He didn't deserve it. He let him down. Mihashi was the amazing one. The one that worked hard, the one that made this all happen was him, Mihashi.

"Thank you, Abe-kun."

It hit him like a fastball to his gut. Yet he couldn't say anything. He just stood there, stunned, taking everything in, hurting himself more in the process. Right there and then, he promised to make it up to Mihashi somehow. Which is why he let him. He let him go pro to show his support, to make it up to him. A silent apology.

 _“The next station is Toro”_

"But it wasn't enough," Abe muttered.

Wrapping the jacket tighter around him, he leaned back against the chair. His face disraught. He was tired of living in this mess. _"Maybe Shun was right"_ he thought bitterly. _"Maybe it's time to let go"_

Casting a glace to the indicator above the train doors, he scowled.

"3 stations left. I should just sleep it off."

 _“The next station is Oomiya. Please change here for the Keihin-Touhoku Line, Takasaki Line, Shounan-Shinjuku Line –”_

“A-Abe-kun?”

"Abe-kun is that you?"

Abe woke up to the sound of a familliar voice. With his blurred vision, he could make out crowds pouring in and out of the train, but what caught his attention was a tuft of blonde hair. _"Well fuck."_

"Ah!" the boy exclaimed happily. "It ... It is you! I-I'm so happy!"

"Mihashi." Abe greeted back.

"It's been so long!" Mihashi sauntered over to sit beside Abe.

Abe grumbled as he inched away from Mihashi. He was just starting to let go. He was ready to not face Mihashi for the rest of his life. Now this happened. _"Why, God, Why?!"_ he chanted mentally. Abe kept silent. Looking out of the window once more.

"I'm going back to Urawa-ku for the holidays."

There was no way out of this, Abe realised. Looking at Mihashi properly now, he noted some distinct changes. He has grown a bit. Not much. That childlike essence still about him. But he did look a great deal brighter. Happier. Healthier. _"When Shun said Mihashi's looking good, I don't think he only meant his pitching."_ It made him somewhat bitter. Mihashi could stay fit without him looking after him. It reminded him how useless he really is.

"So, how've you been, Abe-kun?"

It was _that smile_ again. By now, Abe was sure God was hell-bent on making his life worse every second. However, it wasn't quite dread that filled him right now. Rather, it was something complete opposite. Warmth. He still had no intention to answer that question, though. Abe would not bother Mihashi with his petty life problems. No, that was the last thing he'd do. He already caused him enough trouble. Instead, he inched closer to Mihashi and silently gripped his hand. Reveling at the familliar feeling, he felt courage surge through him. Life felt like it slowly retained its colours.

He knew he wasn't ready. But he would tell him. Not now. But he promised himself: before the train stopped at Urawa station, he'd tell him the words he couldn't say back then.

"I'm sorry."

 _"And thank you."_

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, Hi! I hope you had a great new year, Lilrand0m_chik! Here's something for you I tried to put together. It was supposed to be a future fic. But as "future" my brain could go, was college years. I hope you don't mind ;; I hope I didn't disappoint too much either. Well, Happy new year!


End file.
